Between Dreams and Reality The Letter
by norearviewmirrors
Summary: the letter that remind Stefan what he left, AU where Elena doesn't become a vampire at the end of season 3 and stefan leaves to protect her.


watch?v=kvA7Ej9N_5Y ***play this now

Elena sat on her bed like every other night since _he_ left her, since Matt and driven off the bridge, and _he_ had saved her, since _he _saved her best friend, when she was sure they both would die like her parents had, exactly how her parents had.

She had spent a year wondering about him, where he was, what he was doing, whether he was drinking human blood or not, if he had killed or rejoined Rebecca. Bonnie practically wrote Elena's College applications, and when they both got in, she convinced Elena to move in with her into an townhouse. Elena didn't want to at first; there were too many memories to leave behind, too many family members to close the door on. So when she moved out, Matt moved in, and so did Tyler, neither could stay where they were, the two were alone physically, or emotionally, and Jeremy was both.

So Elena sat on her bed, thinking as always, staring at the picture she kept hidden in her bedside table of her and Stefan at a pep rally junior year, both smiling as though they were untouchable, and both knowing they weren't. Bonnie stood at Elena's door, watching her friend ponder the life she could have had, watching her constantly wondering "what if", begging for the reason he left. She brought in tea for Elena, and hoped it would brighten her mood.

"How are you" she asked cautiously, knowing the answer, but asking the question as if her response would be shocking.

"I'm fine Bonnie" she said flatly, but her glossy eyes stared hard at the mattress.

"it's okay not to be you know" Bonnie was always so compassionate, so unlike Caroline who dealt with things with a "well get up and do something because moping won't help at all" motto, she always meant well though.

"is it?" Elena whispered "cause I don't think it is, this can't be alright, because none of it is" Elena rambled, sometimes she didn't make sense to anyone else but Bonnie, and Bonnie remembered the times when _he _was away with Klaus, and Damon couldn't stop her from crying in her sleep, so he would call over Bonnie, and within minutes, it was taken care of. Like sisters, they spoke a language no one knew, no one had ever understood.

"it's not alright Elena, but it's okay, things will change, they'll get better, and you'll get stronger, just give it time" Bonnie knew very well that time wasn't all it would take, it would take closure, and the only way to get that would be to get Stefanhimself to come see her, and tell her she wasn't the reason everything fell apart. She looked around Elena's room, and found her journal lying beside a picture of all their friends, Matt, Tyler, Caroline, Stefan, Jeremy, and the two of them, smiling as if they had won the lottery. She walked over to it, and brought it back to Elena.

"I want you to try something okay?" she whispered to her oldest friend "I want you to write him a letter of everything you want to tell him, everything you would say if he was standing right in front of you, and asking you what you've been doing the past year"

Elena didn't say anything but looked up and met Bonnie's eyes, her gaze softened and she let out a sigh. "Okay, I'll try it. Anything is better than this". So she grabbed a pen and began to write, and Bonnie stood up and left, leaving Elena to private thoughts about things she didn't want to know. Leaving her to live the good moments in her head, and let nostalgia swaddle her like a baby.

Elena had sat there for what felt like hours, writing everything. She started small, with minor details about her school professors, and how college was so much different from high school. She spoke about Bonnie, and Jeremy, and all her friends. She stopped writing briefly, and decided not to let him know she knew about the first few nights after he "left" how he would spend the night on her porch beneath her room, listening to her cry herself to sleep, because she knew he was trying to protect her home. She made small talk about how Bonnie was the chef of the house, and how grateful of that she was, and recalled some memories of them cooking and how amazing it was each time. She finished her letter with babbling thoughts on how she knew Bonnie saw right through her, and how she wondered if it was because they were best friends or if Bonnie used some witchy spell on her. She ended on a note of compassion as always, of how she didn't blame him for anything and how if leaving was his way of coping, that was fine.

As Elena wrote, Bonnie went to her room and opened a grimouire, and searched for a spell, for anyway to know where Stefan was, or how to get in touch with him, in minutes she found it, a tracing spell, she stood up and grabbed an old necklace he had given her, one that had one belonged to someone in her lineage. She wrapped bother hands around it and started to chant, to recite an old spell he grams should have taught her, but never got the chance. When it was finished she knew where he was, she had seen him, wallowing in a lone bedroom with sorrow in his eyes. She had been checking in on him, making sure he was okay, making sure he didn't do anything stupid or reckless, making sure Rebecca hadn't found him. When she exited the trans, she felt so sad that the people she cared to deeply about were both so broken.

watch?v=VvGYYg40Ijw ***play now while reading

She had just signed the bottom when Bonnie had walked cautiously back in.

"there, done. It's all here" she mumbled, and suddenly she noticed all that she had written, it was only about 2 pages, and the tears that had built up so much had come crashing down her face like thunderstorms and her sobs broke through as though she was gasping for air. Bonnie rushed to her side, mumbling hushed "its okays" and "I'm heres" and "shhhh honey you're fines."

How could he have left her, with him, her life had been chapters long, their nights spent talking about their future together and days exploring like children. Just talking about the two of them and their intertwined lives could have written chapters longer than the dictionary, how could he leave her with "about 2 pages"? How was she supposed to start her life over, to only recover pieces of her that didn't include him, when he was the reason for everything about her?

Eventually the tears stopped and Elena passed Bonnie the letter softly and in a begging tone asked her to take it, saying that she didn't care if she burned it or buried it, but she didn't want to see it anymore, didn't want to remember her life story going from a combination of every encyclopedia, to a simple picture book with small phrases and only shapes for pictures.

It hurt, Bonnie knew it would, but she had no choice, she had to get the letter from her, it wasn't a college application where she could write it for her, and include the same things that everyone else would write. Bonnie brought the letter to her room once Elena had fallen asleep, and wrote a letter of her own to Stefan, telling him what has really been happening with Elena, how sometimes she couldn't get her out of bed without magic. Or how occasionally going to places that reminded Elena of him, she would refuse to go in, or she would run to the bathroom and cry. She wrote of the 2 months after he left, when she would only eat banana a day, as long as Bonnie left it on her bedside table, because she wouldn't get out of bed. She told him about how it stopped in September because she had all her friends come over for a weekend to remind her the people she was letting down, and how it almost didn't work until Jeremy came, and begged her to fix things.

She concluded her letter with a small note that if he didn't do this, if he didn't come, and give her best friend the closure she deserved, that she would personally come out to wherever he was, and kick his ass with her "witchy juju" as Damon would call it. But if he couldn't come, if he couldn't do it to himself or her, that she would forgive him, and she would take care of Elena forever. Putting both letters in an envelope and taking it into her hands, she worked her spell. She did the spell she did when Rose had kidnapped her (2x08) and just like that, she knew he had received her letter. By 11:30 pm, both girls were fast asleep in their townhouse.

Stefan was in the shower; his hands pressed against the wall of the shower head, and letting the water run down his hair onto his body. He couldn't do anything without thinking about her; even brushing his teeth reminded him of her smile. He did his best to avoid mirrors, fearing he would see the physical signs of how bad he missed her, and would go back to her. He was protecting her by doing this, she didn't deserve the life he had given her, and no matter how bad it killed him, he knew what had to be done. He stepped out of his bathroom and felt a paper below his foot, looking down he picked it up, it was an envelope, but how could it be? No one knew where he was, he had tried so hard to keep a low profile. But looking at the front he almost instantly knew who it was from; the letter was addressed to "Salva-bore" the nick name Bonnie had given him named after all his brooding and worries over collateral damage.

He read Bonnies letter first, noting how carefully she mentioned the lies that were bound to show up in Elena's letter and how though he already knew this, but every time Elena used the word "fine" she meant the opposite. He mentally noted the thanks Bonnie deserved and how good she had been to both him and Elena through everything.

Next he read Elena's letter, riddled with "fines" in almost every other sentence, it broke his heart. She never once in the letter asked him why he left or if he would ever come back, but wrote instantly of her forgiveness that awaited his acceptance. It would have been easy to pack up the letter and get rid of it, to keep it at the bottom of a drawer, and remember that he was doing this for her, but he couldn't anymore. He left his hideout the next morning, and at vampire speed he packed his things, and got in his car, he was driving to his home, driving to her. By the time he got there, it was 10 am and without a second thought, he knocked on the door.

Bonnie knew he was here before he knocked, she could sense him, feel his presence, so when he knocked, she pretended to sleep so Elena would get up. When eventually Elena woke, she stumbled to the stairs, muttering words to Bonnie about picking a great day to sleep in. When she opened the door and saw him, her heart fell, her stomach hit the floor beneath her and the room started to shake. There he was, standing infront of her, hands in his pockets. She couldn't move, couldn't breathe, and then he did it, then he said her name as if it was his last dying breath, as if it he was born to say her name. He stood there for a moment and then Elena panicked, "1 sec" she managed to stutter out, she shut the door, and Stefan heard a loud "BONNIE" coming from inside, Elena stormed into her best friends' room, and wasn't sure if she should thank, or kill her. "WHAT DID YOU DO?" Bonnie pretended to yawn and roll over in her bed, "what time is it" she moaned through a yawn?  
"Bonnie, DO NOT pretend you've been sleeping, because STEFAN is outside on our porch right now!"  
"He's on our porch?" she pretended to be surprised "why are you here, if he's there?"  
Elena quickly processed this, if he was here, it was to see her, to tell her something. She quickly ran back to the door "sorry about that" she mumbled, her voice lacking confidence. "come in." That was the invite, she just gave him permission to enter the house whenever he needed, and she felt a sudden wave of safety overwhelm her in knowing that.

They stayed up until 2 am the next morning just talking, about their lives, the changes that had taken place, everything lie or story between them was smoothed over. When she fell asleep Stefan carried her to bed, and pulled her covers over her body. She slightly woke up, and in the daze between dream and reality, she asked him to stay with her. And so he did, crawling gently beside her and holding her, their bodies fitting together as if the past year was nothing but a bad dream. They were not the image of perfection, and not much in their relationship ever would be, the only thing that was perfect was moments like these, where they were both caught between dream and reality, only knowing that they both loved each other more than words could ever express. More than either of them could ever express, both knowing they would spend eternity trying their best to.


End file.
